Is This the Dream?

I'm sitting at my desk in my new {somewhat haphazard, pieced-together} office studio {which is a fancy-schmansy way of saying spare bedroom with a mishmash of furniture}, and while we aren't in a million dollar home with hardwood floors, stainless steel appliances, or granite countertops, I feel so good. The thing that makes this place special {besides the dresser with my mom's extra clothes in it}? It's a place I can plop down my laptop and not be sitting in the living room or in bed at night aaaannnd I can leave my scrappy mess all over and no one has to brush it aside to eat supper. It's also not ruining random selfies {that is the kitchen table in our last place...things have not improved as my stash has grown}.

As I've mentioned before, I'm in the process of venturing into the world of Etsy and blogging. It's a lot of work, to be honest. I have a to-do list and it's full of time-consuming tasks that I just can't fit into a day filled with a seven-month old. But it's so wonderful, too. I enjoy the energy of doing something new and out of my comfort zone. It tires me out like I've been to work for 8 hours {maybe because I actually put in about 12 hours today--plus the whole mommy thing is round-the-clock}.

It's a different kind of tired than the fatigue associated with fibromyalgia. It's the good kind of tired where it feels so good to get into bed you just sink into sleep and dream you {and by you I mean me} are a character in a Game of Thrones world and Robb Stark is your {my} king {I would have guessed I was a Jon Snow kind of girl, but apparently my subconscious is telling me otherwise...going to have to watch again with a whole new perspective}.

Having left my full-time job because of fibromyalgia and severe back pain two years ago, I can now say {with those rose-misted hindsight glasses} I truly miss that kind of tired. There are so many days I have wanted to go check out the job market, even though I know my mind is stronger than my body and I just can't physically do it anymore {sad to say that I retired from the work-force at 30}.

I miss getting dressed into nice clothes, putting on makeup, rushing to finish my hair, grabbing coffee for the road. Nowadays it's yoga pants {no, don't do a lick of yoga}, ponytails, and socks that may or may not match. And yet...when I look at Zae I know I wouldn't trade this life for any other. If I hadn't gone down this exact path, he wouldn't be here.

I sit here on the verge of a new chapter in life and it feels incredible. It feels like riding a wave about to crest over...that point where you are about to dive into a new phase and you're holding your breath with anticipation. There's a blue breeze coming through the open window. I'm wondering where I'll be in a year. I wonder how many people out there are wondering that same thing right now. How many are out there looking at the stars, or sitting on a park bench or sitting at their desks, contemplating life and wondering about what it's all about and what else is in store? How long will it last?

Here's to good things, for everyone who dreams and hopes and strives for their own happy. I salute you, and hope you always find it, even if the path sways off your chosen course. You get what you need, not what you want, but when you get it, you realize it is what you wanted, you just never knew you wanted it.

No comments

Thanks for all your kind comments!